Homeless kids, and In Bruges

I think I should dress up as a bag lady when I volunteer with homeless kids. Their... love of me... is getting out of hand. I had a kid ask me for my number tonight. He's not the first either. I think there is something about being homeless that gives you lots and lots of confidence. Hmm... Maybe that's what I need, to boost my confidence.... Eh, I'll pass. It is really weird though. And I'm not exactly a nice person... He asked for my number and I responded with "Oh, so you can take me back to your cardboard box?". I mean... I think I'd get the hint with the responses I give people.

So I was talking to my friend about my exceptionally low blood pressure, and low pulse, and it made me think about how much Diet Coke I consume. All that caffeine, must be raising or spiking my blood pressure and pulse in some way, right? If that's true, and my numbers are still so low, what does that mean? I've decided that it means that Diet Coke is the only thing keeping me alive! Without it my heart could stop! My life really does revolve around Diet Coke, because really, it depends upon it. Okay, not really, but I still think it's weird that my numbers are so low even with all the Diet Coke.

So, if you want to watch a funny movie, try In Bruges. Wait, I'm being deceptive... This movie is not a comedy. I repeat, this film, is NOT a comedy. But it is the funniest drama you've ever watched. However, if you are easily offended by the F word, I'd skip this suggestion as well. But if you're fine with the F word, and crass humor, more especially if you like them as well, then this should be your cup of tea. It has amazing movie quotes. Such as:

Ray: I've got four grams on me and one gram in me which is why me heart is going like the clappers, as is I'm about to have a heart attack. So if I collapse any minute now please remember to tell the doctors that it might have something to do with the coke.

Ken: How'd your date go?
Ray: My date involved two instances of extreme violence, one instance of her hand on my cock and my finger up her thing, which lasted all to briefly.
[pauses]
Ray: Isn't that always the way? One instance of me stealing five grams of very-high-quality cocaine and one instance of me blinding a poofy little skinhead. So, all-in-all my evening pretty much balanced out fine.

Overweight Man: What exactly are you trying to say?
Ray: What exactly am I trying to say? You's a bunch of fuckin' elephants.

Ken: Well, here we are in a room with two manky hookers and a racist dwarf.

Chlo: He doesn't like being called a midget. He prefers dwarf.
Ray: This is exactly my point! People going around calling you a midget when you want to be called a dwarf. Of course you're going to blow your head off.

Enough with In Bruges quotes. So I am very seriously broken hearted. One of my best friends Rachel is moving to England to go to graduate school. England? What the heck? There's no way she's going to fit in there. Her teeth are way too perfect. Although if I have a job anytime soon, that would give me a great chance to come visit. Ooohh.... Yay. Wait, not yay. She's going to be thousands of miles away for a whole year! While I'm stuck in the states. Bugger. Alone. Who's going to be my Sushi and Dim-Sum buddy now? Honestly, this blows.

Lastly... You know what sucks? Doing laundry. It takes so much time to do, but you're not really doing anything but waiting, but you still have to be home to switch it from the washer to the dryer, put another load in, etc. It's the worst. At least when you're cleaning you're busy doing something. Laundy is not my favorite chore if you couldn't tell. On top of it all, I'm out of spare hangars. Which means I need to buy more. But... I own a crap load of hangars on which to hang my crap load of clothes, which makes for a crap load of laundry. That's a lot of loads of crap. Man...

Plagiarism for a paycheck!

So the other day... I was mad. I'm that way a lot these days I guess. Anyhow, I decided to waste some time in the second hand book store and find something to read on the bus these days. What to my amazement but one of my favorite authors, Orson Scott Card, had a series I hadn't read, and the first book was only $3. Score. Or so I thought. The book was called, "The Memory of Earth". So if you don't know me very well, I love books. I obsess about them, and they can be the highlight of life at times. Also, since Card wrote this book, I had expectations. This was going to be good. I could feel it.

For those of you who don't know, Card and I are both Mormon. We have the same religion. Cool right? Well, you'd think. I started reading it, and partway through, I realize, that he's plagiarized our religion for a paycheck! This whole "story" is pulled straight from the Book of Mormon, describing how a dad in a family gets a vision, and flees with his family out of the city. Then they have to go back for something... Yeah, I know the whole story by heart, and therefore knew what was coming in this book. It was the story of Lehi and Nephi, and returning to get the plates from Laban. I knew the ending to the book, but kept reading, hoping it wasn't really ripped straight from the Book of Mormon. But it was, it was the science fiction version of my religion. Wow. Epic fail. Utter disappointment. Honestly. Really? All that for a paycheck? That desperate? Screw you Orson. You suck.

You want to know the dumbest part of this whole thing? I want to get the second book in the series to see if he really follows the next part of the Book of Mormon and plagiarizes that, again! What a turd.

Another thing that's bugging me? Tropic Thunder. Yeah, that new movie that's out? Well, I'm part of the Society for Disability Studies, and the movie did a major faux pas by not correcting or addressing the bias portrayal of persons with a disability in the film. They did so with the black community, and not the disability community, and there are some offensive parts that show clear bias towards persons with mental disabilities. It really is atrocious if you think about it. On the other side, it's comedy. The reason is funny is because you're mocking the stereotypes and the realities of life. The line, is thin though. Just because you call it comedy, doesn't give you a get out of jail free card. You have to play the line tactfully or else it leaves the spectrum of comedy, and becomes a form of hate speech. Also by addressing and communicating with the black community in the making of the movie, but not the disability community, shows that the disability community is devalued in society, and by the producers. Okay, I'm done rambling. I'm not going to see the movie, but I'm disappointed by the reactions of both sides on this "issue".

Oh! Bingo! Guess what I just did... I ran across the kitchen of my house in my underwear to put something away, just hoping that no one saw. It was liberating. But really, it was.

Right... so I've been talking about Russia, for a while now. All through college actually and how dangerous it is, and how people don't realize how powerful it really is as a superpower in today's world. Everyone for the past few years has looked at me like I'm psychotic, like I'm suggesting painting cats pink. Honestly... But, a couple days ago, I got an email from a friend with the subject "Holy shit, you were right!". It was about the threat Russia made against Poland to nuke them if they cross them, essentially. Then, my Dad was like, so what do you think about what Russia is doing in Georgia... Suddenly people are seeing what I was saying, and they're like... Oh, I get it! It almost makes me angry that now they want to talk about it, about my research. But at the same time, I like people seeing what's really going on in the international political scene. Wow. I'm such a political science nerd. I thought I'd escaped it. Alas, I have not.

Lastly, my love life is so upside down right now. So funny things. I think I mentioned that, Derek and I are taking a break, and are currently not together. I hate it. Really, it blows. Suddenly every asshole I know is suddenly thinking that because I'm heartbroken and single, maybe they can get in my pants! Yay. Not! They're retarded. I got sick of sending the angry emails, so I just made it a facebook status, which had it's own messy repercussions. Funny though.

So funny stuff that has happened since our breakup. My brother Jeff left on a mission, and at his going away party, I got there, and a woman I know goes, "So, I heard you got dumped". Embarrassing enough in itself. But... she was on the other side of the place, so she had to say it loudly so I'd hear... me, and everyone else there. So suddenly, EVERYONE was asking. It was so ironic, I had to laugh. Something else funny happened. Funnier actually, but I cannot for the life of me, remember what it is... huh. Oh well.

BLOGGING IS FUN!

So, I haven't blogged in a while.... like a long while, and a lot has happened. I started writing more of my Randall book I started AGES ago. Also, I graduated. Yes, this is correct, I am now a degree holding citizen. Not that it's really doing me much good, because I am still as of yet, unemployed. Worse yet, I'm broke so I have to move out of my place, and luckily found some sucker to take it. But the really bad part about this, is that it means moving in with my parents.... That's right, the P-word.

Now to most people, living with the parents, is not all bad. I mean come on, free food, free diet coke. Free rent even, so you can just relax with parents that love and adore you and look for work, while munching on free food. However, my parents, are unlike most parents. As much as I love my parents idea, that instilling a solid work ethic in their children is good, if you have to do everything at your parents beck and call while living there, it leaves you with little time to look for said job. Damn.... That's all I can say, Damn. Working for my mother, is hell. Absolute Hell. Let me tell you about my "jobs" the last two weeks I've lived in my parents house.

First one... We replaced the roof a while back, and that combined with roof rats, made the insulation come off the ceiling of the garage. So it fell upon me, the fearless skinny one, to work myself among the rafters spider-man style with a staple gun, and re-attach the insulation. Some of this required me to lay on the boards going across the rafters. One quick note: Due to the whole reason they needed to be fixed (roof rats!) I ended up laying on some odd pellet like things. Oh yeah, THAT WAS RAT CRAP! So I laid amongst the rat droppings, battling my fear of heights, with a staple gun for hours. It was pretty nasty. One of the worst parts, was realizing I had a hair on my face that was bugging me, and reaching to pull it off my face only to discover a daddy long leg and bits of web in my hand. It was marvelous, absolutely marvelous.

Second job... Well, since my mother obviously did not feel that I had properly attacked my fear of heights, amongst the poop covered rafters, she decided that we could paint the entry way. That sounds fun, right? Wait, yes, I got put in charge of painting everything from 10-20ft up, including the ceiling. So there was me, a wobbly ladder, and a roller on a very long stick, and I was scared to death. This lasted a couple of days, because apparently the paint needed three coats, instead of the usual two, to be "perfect" in my mothers eyes. Oh, and we found out that you had to be careful that the "white" paint from the other rooms didn't get this white on it. Apparently my mother felt that each room should be a different white. We have five different shades of white painted on one floor. That's not necessary! Honestly folks!

Third job... Let me preface this by saying, that I love my sisters very much, I promise. So my mother finds out she has to work Raven's shift, on Raven's birthday. So I get relegated to the duty of chauffeur, navigator, and time management specialist. Which really is just a fancy way for me to say that I get to make sure Raven gets whatever she wants, when she wants, and I'm in charge of getting there, and making sure no one effs it up. This might not sound so bad, except that Raven is like ten second Tom, and she cannot comprehend when things just physically aren't going to happen how she likes them. It was a nightmare. Also, Tess kept being like "Why did you turn the music down" "Turn the volume up", every single time I'd turn it down so that I could ask Raven a question, or call someone to set something up for her. This was almost worse than rolling around in the rafters with the rat turds.

Next Job... So I haven't actually done this one yet... It's coming next week. It could actually be fun, if I wasn't worried about getting a job, and getting the hell out of my parents place. My mother has decided that getting work off to go to Girls Camp for church doesn't sound as good as making me go in her place, and then getting a five day vacation. Imagine that. So I will be stuck with a bunch of 14 year old hormonal girls camping with them.... Oh shit. I don't even like girls my own age, much less the ones going through puberty. What the heck? I'm supposed to go to all their activities, including craft hour! Dude... I am not Martha Stewart anymore, and this is not a good idea. But, my mother likes it because she gets a vacation! Dang...

So beyond all that. Beyond the numerous requests and whatnot I am expected to comply with... I now have a curfew. Holy hell, really? Yes, I have frigging curfew. I'm a full grown adult, and I have a curfew. Could I be more humiliated? Why yes I could, want to know how? I share a room with my 13 year old sister. On top of that, I share a bunk bed with her... and I get the top. So if you've wondered why my self esteem has hit a record low, this could be why. I feel like a five year old. All I need next is a Teddy Bear. Oh wait, on top of that all. My mother hates me. Yeah, I know I forgot to mention that. It's a big one. HATES ME! I think it stems back to when she never wanted to have children, and then got preggers with me. She cried for weeks when she found out. Anyhow, her favorite thing to do is try to make me cry. Usually, she wins...