So I've had a blog for a long time, and while not many people I knew were reading it, there were a fair amount of people I didn't know reading it. I kept it pretty private from people I know, usually because sometimes I stray outside the "appropriate" box, or I'm whining about my friends, and it's pretty awkward when someone walks up to, and is like, "So... you hate me?" "How'd you know?" "Well you blogged about it!" "Oh, so everyone knows?" "Uh, yeah"....
That can make life among the friends pretty tense. Especially because, well since I'm a girl, I'm given the duty to combat the red dragon, and I'll just admit right now, that I'm an emotional hormonal irrational girly she-monster during that time of the month. (What? You all know it's true, no need to sugar coat it). Which brings me to my point, sort of. I'm switching blog spots because while I thought it was awkward to have people I know see my blog, it's worse when they're people you don't know. I mean, I've been doing this for a year or two, built up a decent audience, and now... they know me pretty well, and I'll just say it's creepy. Don't comment on personal blogs when you don't know the person, and never say "I'm here for you". What does that even mean? Considering I don't mention my name on the posts, how weird is it to be like, "Hey Jello Jeans, I'm here for you if you need it. I understand what you're going through. Just remember that you're sweet, and beautiful, and...." First off, how the eff do you know I'm sweet? Have you not been reading my blog for the last whatver? Secondly, how do you know I'm beautiful, since I've never posted my picture. Weird. The comments just got worse over time, so now I'm switching to a safer blogspot and allowing people I know to see it.
I have a bet going with myself trying to decide how long before this pisses someone off, considering how much I use my blogs to complain.
Today is a long day for me. I'm in a conference for disability rights in Asia right now, and I'm listening to a bunch of academics discuss law and policy. Yeah, I'm a dork, because I find it fascinating, but oh well. Anyhow, there's this guy... well, he's a famous law professor here. He's a prick. I hate him. He's the head of the disability studies program at my school, and while you might wonder how I could hate anyone in that program, think again. He's the "head" of the program, and yet, I've never seen him show up to, or help with any disability studies program. He always cancels when you try to get him to show up and support your efforts, or speak with him or get him to speak, it's impossible. He's too good for all that undergraduate stuff. At this conference, I've watched him interrupt countless conversations so that he can talk to someone and the way he does it, is so, sorry but I'm better than you all and I don't care if you're busy, I trump all.
Okay, so the funny thing about this guy, is he's like three feet tall. He's a midget!!! I know, I'm a disability studies activist, and therefore I need to be more cautious, but I don't effing care. Pricks deserve to be mocked in any way possible, and Mr. yardstick and his ... Wow. I'm not going there, but you know, if he's three feet.... Yeah.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Concerts rock, obviously.
I really want to be held right now. I actually just want to fall asleep, but being held helps. I’m having a really hard time choosing paper topics. I have to turn in my paper topic tomorrow for my Scandinavian Studies class. I don’t know the positive way to tell my professor that honestly, no one gives a crap about Scandinavian states. They’re small, military-less, and boring. Besides Ikea, and Nokia, nothing much has come from them. Right? I thought so.
Today is Earth Day. Did you know that? Yep, my favorite holiday of the year. I’m such a frigging hippie. I know, I am. I’ll admit it. The first time I heard about Earth Day, I decided to do at least three things to support the holiday. I bought local organic fruit from a farmers market, I walked everywhere that day, and lastly I took advantage of local parks and cleaned up trash. I do something like that every year, and I love it. This year though.. I have class till 130, then lunch with the guy, and then I have a CRAP load of studying to do because I went to a Raconteurs concert yesterday, (Yeah, you’re jealous, I know, and yes, it was amazing), and then I have to go to work. Bleh. Stink. By the time I’m done with everything it’s going to be like 11 at night. Maybe I’ll go star gazing? That kind of counts.
Anyhow, the concert. Can I just say that I am a Super Girlfriend? Yeah, so my guy loves the White Stripes, and the Raconteurs. He got tickets when the White Stripes were coming then one of them got sick, and so they cancelled the show, like a day before or something. It sucked. Then, the other day he was like I love the Raconteurs, Would you go to their show when they come to here next?, and I said yes, because I like them. Then a day later or so, he found out that they were coming here, but they were sold out because they chose like a 200 person venue. He was ultra bummed. So as the girlfriend I am, I looked online, browsed my connections, and eventually got tickets, although for a rather inflated price.
We went yesterday, and let me tell you, I’m so glad I got them. We were about four feet from the stage, and he was looking around and was just like, I love you. Then he texted his sister and told her, and she was like, yeah, she’s a keeper. What can I say? I think I am, and not just because I’d love to be married to this guy. The concert rocked, and I can’t say it enough or well enough. Except for the bad body odor in front of me, it was seamless. The guy in front of me stank so much! Then the old lady (okay, so she was only like 40 or 50) smelled like pot really intensely. It was moderately amusing. Jack White at the end through something in the crowd, and I think everyone thought it was a guitar pick, but I swear it was like a nickel or something, and a few people just dove to the ground looking for it. I laughed a lot. I think Jack just did that to watch the ripple effect of people freaking out about it. I would have, because it was funny to see people crawling all around the dirty floor searching for something the size of a nickel.
Today is Earth Day. Did you know that? Yep, my favorite holiday of the year. I’m such a frigging hippie. I know, I am. I’ll admit it. The first time I heard about Earth Day, I decided to do at least three things to support the holiday. I bought local organic fruit from a farmers market, I walked everywhere that day, and lastly I took advantage of local parks and cleaned up trash. I do something like that every year, and I love it. This year though.. I have class till 130, then lunch with the guy, and then I have a CRAP load of studying to do because I went to a Raconteurs concert yesterday, (Yeah, you’re jealous, I know, and yes, it was amazing), and then I have to go to work. Bleh. Stink. By the time I’m done with everything it’s going to be like 11 at night. Maybe I’ll go star gazing? That kind of counts.
Anyhow, the concert. Can I just say that I am a Super Girlfriend? Yeah, so my guy loves the White Stripes, and the Raconteurs. He got tickets when the White Stripes were coming then one of them got sick, and so they cancelled the show, like a day before or something. It sucked. Then, the other day he was like I love the Raconteurs, Would you go to their show when they come to here next?, and I said yes, because I like them. Then a day later or so, he found out that they were coming here, but they were sold out because they chose like a 200 person venue. He was ultra bummed. So as the girlfriend I am, I looked online, browsed my connections, and eventually got tickets, although for a rather inflated price.
We went yesterday, and let me tell you, I’m so glad I got them. We were about four feet from the stage, and he was looking around and was just like, I love you. Then he texted his sister and told her, and she was like, yeah, she’s a keeper. What can I say? I think I am, and not just because I’d love to be married to this guy. The concert rocked, and I can’t say it enough or well enough. Except for the bad body odor in front of me, it was seamless. The guy in front of me stank so much! Then the old lady (okay, so she was only like 40 or 50) smelled like pot really intensely. It was moderately amusing. Jack White at the end through something in the crowd, and I think everyone thought it was a guitar pick, but I swear it was like a nickel or something, and a few people just dove to the ground looking for it. I laughed a lot. I think Jack just did that to watch the ripple effect of people freaking out about it. I would have, because it was funny to see people crawling all around the dirty floor searching for something the size of a nickel.
The genetic pool needs some bleach, pronto!
My grandma... She’s psycho. Both of them. Talking about being a grandma last time made me think of my choice genetic heritage. And by choice, I mean last choice. On my mothers side... We have my grandpa who moved to Idaho so he could not disclose information between his various doctors, so that he could get as many meds as he could. He’s big on prescription drugs. And by big, I mean he’s constantly doped up so much so that I wonder why his body hasn’t given up. He pops so any pills! It’s crazy. Then there’s his wife, my grandma, who is a quiet, easily walked over woman. No clue why they are married still. Oh, and I forgot to mention that grandpa is a recovered alcoholic abusive, (or so is claimed), redneck racist. In fact I’m scared to tell him I’m dating an Asian, more so if they ever meet, because my guy looks more half mexican in reality.
Then there’s their kids. I have one aunt and two uncles. First off all kids left home before 16, and all did large amounts of drugs and whatnot at home. My aunt has five kids... two different husbands- the first was a drugged out crazy hippie. Of her children, the first has a failed marriage, and is still trying to get his bachelors at 27 or 28, He’s the best off probably, he just got married again to a girl who brought a kid with her from her past marriage. He peed his pants last time he came over, and I swear he’s like 7. The next kid is married to a mexican who stole their two kids and moved away where she can’t find them, and she’s now dating/committing adultery (however you wish to view it), with an illegal alien from mexico and they just had a baby. She’s thirty something, but her and her illegal alien are both living in my aunt’s house. Third kid, doesn’t talk to the family anymore, and can you blame her? She had a kid, but got divorced, and didn’t get custody (women always get custody,wtf?). Now she is remarried and he brought a kid, and then she had one more.
Fourth kid... He’s crazy. He used to deal coke, and by coke I mean cocaine, not Coca Cola, and he decided to take his naive cousin (Me) with him... Well apparently the stuff was weak or something, and I got beaten up at Relay for Life like a week later for it. Lovely. He has a bunch of piercings, including his nipples (nasty), nose, ears, and I heard his unmentionables... He had one wife, they got divorced then he got remarried , and they had a kid, they got divorced and she took the kid, and then for the third time he got married, (amazingly they’re still together), and they have a kid. He looks so Hooligan too. He’s dirty street junkie looking with a really bad goatee.
The last kid happens to hate me actually. Marvelous! She married the brother of my other cousins husband (the one that ran off with the kids), and they had a kid, but now they’re divorced and she’s dating a really creepy guy. FYI- all the first kids of these cousins were born before they turned 18. I’m the first granddaughter to not get preggers before 18, and the first to graduate from high school on time, and soon the first grandkid to graduate college (hopefully two months from now).
Then there is Uncle #1, who married a heroine addict who sucked his bank account dry and forgot about her children. Dysfunctional family with everyone (kids included) smoking, drinking, and doing drugs in a constant state of chaos. They have two kids, a boy and a girl. The boy, (one of the only cousins I actually enjoy) married his girlfriend he started dating when they were 16, and they took a break during which she got pregnant by someone else, but he treated the baby as his own, before the baby died of SIDS. After the baby died, they had one that actually was his, and a little while later they had another, and they just had another a little while ago. Amazingly through a constant crisis situation of their finances, and their constant bickering, they’re still married. I’m proud of him for that. His sister, never got married or anything at first, so besides her drug and alcohol problems, we held out high hopes... Then about a month ago, she showed up at the house and announced she had married some guy. Apparently the day before she wasn’t married, then suddenly she was, and oh yeah... the guy is like 43, and I think she’s like 24 or something. Great stuff.
The last uncle, didn’t get married until he was 40 something, and his wife is crazy. She twitches all the time, and while I was really close to him after he got off drugs, that ended when he married her. She’s really nice and all, but she’s... dumb, weird, and completely without social skills. He spent till about 30 smoking pot up the wazzu, doing and dealing drugs, and working on cars. He’s my favorite of the uncles though. We used to work on cars, and I spent a summer working in a truck shop with him. It was crazy fun.
So that’s my drugged out, baby producing, mexican saturated family on my mom’s side. They’re about as redneck as it gets and we try to limit extended family activities to twice yearly. Then there is my Dad’s side. There’s Grandpa... and Grandma... But we don’t call them that. We call them by their names, which makes them seem even less like family. He (grandpa) went on a Mormon mission to where She lived and then after came back to marry Her best friend, and ended up marrying Her. I actually have no idea how that happened, I just know that She was 16 at the time. Gross! They got married unbeknownst to Her parents, and She finished out high school, them both living in separate houses until she graduated. Why bother getting hitched then? Yeah, I have no explanations for them, except that I think they’re both psychotic.
They... well, had a very bizarre, naked, hippie filled, family... As explanation, I think it’s easiest to say that He eventually went to jail three times for child molestation, and he didn’t keep it out of the home life. Eventually they divorced, while He went to jail, and She decided she wanted a music degree and not the burden of “children”. So what happened is my Dad and his brother were sent to her parents house and were pretty much raised by them, if you can call it raising them. The grandparents really didn’t care about where they were and provided essentially a roof over their heads and food. My Dad once didn’t come home for a week, and they didn’t seem to notice or care.
Back to them... He, I’ve met once, and it was when he was on parole between prison sentences. Oh goody! I believe he’s on parole right now, but for some reason accessing the sex offenders registration site isn’t something I usually feel like doing, and that’s the only place I can get information about him. Now, She. She came back in my Dad’s late teens, after all the work of parenting was done, and my Dad was planning to go on a Mormon mission. She “borrowed” the money, and in essence just stole it, because she had no intention of paying him back. Later, she stole his tax refund check, cashed it, and used it for a baby grand piano. Keep in mind, at this time that my family (Dad, Mom, and I) were starving, and we needed that money for rent and groceries. Yes, She continues to be as heinous and manipulative as ever.
That is the heinous, child raping, money stealing, manipulative, and evil side of my family that belongs to my Dad. Oh, there’s his brother I guess, who smokes pot all the time and is more or less a dead-beat. That’s about it. That’s the family of me.
Then there’s their kids. I have one aunt and two uncles. First off all kids left home before 16, and all did large amounts of drugs and whatnot at home. My aunt has five kids... two different husbands- the first was a drugged out crazy hippie. Of her children, the first has a failed marriage, and is still trying to get his bachelors at 27 or 28, He’s the best off probably, he just got married again to a girl who brought a kid with her from her past marriage. He peed his pants last time he came over, and I swear he’s like 7. The next kid is married to a mexican who stole their two kids and moved away where she can’t find them, and she’s now dating/committing adultery (however you wish to view it), with an illegal alien from mexico and they just had a baby. She’s thirty something, but her and her illegal alien are both living in my aunt’s house. Third kid, doesn’t talk to the family anymore, and can you blame her? She had a kid, but got divorced, and didn’t get custody (women always get custody,wtf?). Now she is remarried and he brought a kid, and then she had one more.
Fourth kid... He’s crazy. He used to deal coke, and by coke I mean cocaine, not Coca Cola, and he decided to take his naive cousin (Me) with him... Well apparently the stuff was weak or something, and I got beaten up at Relay for Life like a week later for it. Lovely. He has a bunch of piercings, including his nipples (nasty), nose, ears, and I heard his unmentionables... He had one wife, they got divorced then he got remarried , and they had a kid, they got divorced and she took the kid, and then for the third time he got married, (amazingly they’re still together), and they have a kid. He looks so Hooligan too. He’s dirty street junkie looking with a really bad goatee.
The last kid happens to hate me actually. Marvelous! She married the brother of my other cousins husband (the one that ran off with the kids), and they had a kid, but now they’re divorced and she’s dating a really creepy guy. FYI- all the first kids of these cousins were born before they turned 18. I’m the first granddaughter to not get preggers before 18, and the first to graduate from high school on time, and soon the first grandkid to graduate college (hopefully two months from now).
Then there is Uncle #1, who married a heroine addict who sucked his bank account dry and forgot about her children. Dysfunctional family with everyone (kids included) smoking, drinking, and doing drugs in a constant state of chaos. They have two kids, a boy and a girl. The boy, (one of the only cousins I actually enjoy) married his girlfriend he started dating when they were 16, and they took a break during which she got pregnant by someone else, but he treated the baby as his own, before the baby died of SIDS. After the baby died, they had one that actually was his, and a little while later they had another, and they just had another a little while ago. Amazingly through a constant crisis situation of their finances, and their constant bickering, they’re still married. I’m proud of him for that. His sister, never got married or anything at first, so besides her drug and alcohol problems, we held out high hopes... Then about a month ago, she showed up at the house and announced she had married some guy. Apparently the day before she wasn’t married, then suddenly she was, and oh yeah... the guy is like 43, and I think she’s like 24 or something. Great stuff.
The last uncle, didn’t get married until he was 40 something, and his wife is crazy. She twitches all the time, and while I was really close to him after he got off drugs, that ended when he married her. She’s really nice and all, but she’s... dumb, weird, and completely without social skills. He spent till about 30 smoking pot up the wazzu, doing and dealing drugs, and working on cars. He’s my favorite of the uncles though. We used to work on cars, and I spent a summer working in a truck shop with him. It was crazy fun.
So that’s my drugged out, baby producing, mexican saturated family on my mom’s side. They’re about as redneck as it gets and we try to limit extended family activities to twice yearly. Then there is my Dad’s side. There’s Grandpa... and Grandma... But we don’t call them that. We call them by their names, which makes them seem even less like family. He (grandpa) went on a Mormon mission to where She lived and then after came back to marry Her best friend, and ended up marrying Her. I actually have no idea how that happened, I just know that She was 16 at the time. Gross! They got married unbeknownst to Her parents, and She finished out high school, them both living in separate houses until she graduated. Why bother getting hitched then? Yeah, I have no explanations for them, except that I think they’re both psychotic.
They... well, had a very bizarre, naked, hippie filled, family... As explanation, I think it’s easiest to say that He eventually went to jail three times for child molestation, and he didn’t keep it out of the home life. Eventually they divorced, while He went to jail, and She decided she wanted a music degree and not the burden of “children”. So what happened is my Dad and his brother were sent to her parents house and were pretty much raised by them, if you can call it raising them. The grandparents really didn’t care about where they were and provided essentially a roof over their heads and food. My Dad once didn’t come home for a week, and they didn’t seem to notice or care.
Back to them... He, I’ve met once, and it was when he was on parole between prison sentences. Oh goody! I believe he’s on parole right now, but for some reason accessing the sex offenders registration site isn’t something I usually feel like doing, and that’s the only place I can get information about him. Now, She. She came back in my Dad’s late teens, after all the work of parenting was done, and my Dad was planning to go on a Mormon mission. She “borrowed” the money, and in essence just stole it, because she had no intention of paying him back. Later, she stole his tax refund check, cashed it, and used it for a baby grand piano. Keep in mind, at this time that my family (Dad, Mom, and I) were starving, and we needed that money for rent and groceries. Yes, She continues to be as heinous and manipulative as ever.
That is the heinous, child raping, money stealing, manipulative, and evil side of my family that belongs to my Dad. Oh, there’s his brother I guess, who smokes pot all the time and is more or less a dead-beat. That’s about it. That’s the family of me.
Zombie Strippers, and other whores.
I’m in class, and my boyfriends roommate is sitting behind me, and all I can think is “bathroom hog”! Which really isn’t fair because it’s his freaking apartment! I’m just the girlfriend who is over WAY too much and who spends ungodly amount of time at his apartment. Oh well? Yeah, this morning I woke up like fifteen minutes before I had to leave, and this guy was in the shower the whole time, and I really really needed to take a whizz. Yeah, totally had to hold it, the entire walk to class. My guy walks me to class everyday now that he isn’t in school and doesn’t have a job. It’s great, and at the same time, I wish he’d get a job he liked.
I’ve realized that I cannot for the life of me focus on some Korean woman, or guy as we have today, with really bad accents talk about Korean colonialism. Colonialism is a big thing in Political Science these days. It’s like countries have emotional baggage, and it’s all because of colonialism. Oh joy. I think this guy is mumbling about how the economy was affected... but really, he could be talking about the movie Zombie Strippers, and I’d have no idea. I made my guy go watch this documentary on Estonia and singing (yeah, it was just as mind-numbing as you ‘re envisioning), and he said since I made him see that I have to see Zombie Strippers with him. Frankly, as long as I don’t have to see “The Singing Revolution” that we just saw, I’ll be happy.
Lately there’s been a lot of pictures and whatnot about Jenna Jameson, and while she is a porn star... I just don’t get it. In her time, she was hot sure. But her time has past and she’s like the strawberry at the bottom of the bin. You know, the one that used to be so juicy, sweet, and delectable, but is now growing mold in odd places, and is sunken in on one side. That is my opinion of Jenna Jameson. Another one of those has beens, is Pamela Anderson. I remember when I was a kid and she was hot stuff... well mostly. But the fact that people are still whacking off to her? That’s kind of wrong. I mean, she’s old enough to be some of these guys moms. Plus, she’s like in those commercials about anti-bacterial soaps where they show the competitors, and then theirs and you see all these nasty things crawling around in the one circle, and like none or maybe one in the second circle. She is definitely in the first circle. She is just crawling with every form of STD known to man! When they cure cancer, they’ll still not know what to do with all the things that plague her.
I’m a witch. I really am. I make fun of everyone behind their backs. Unless I’m close to them, then I do it to their face. I saw a girl with parts of her head shaved, the rest died blonde, then pink, she was wearing a skirt, that looked like she took three of the ugliest most haggard skirts and layered them on top of each other. Then she was wearing white beat up storm trooper boots. She was a piece of work. When I saw her my guy and I were walking to my class, and I turned to him and said “Why would you choose a girl like me when you could have a catch like that?”. We both looked over at her and started cracking up laughing. Which is when I realized how heinous I am.
You’d think I’d be nice and sweet all the time, but no. I mean, I was fat as a kid. I was a chubby one. Plus, I had braces for six years, and headgear for like... three or four of those? I got teased in elementary school al the frigging time. It’s just so easy when you see the fat ugly kid with braces and unkept hair. I don’t know why I didn’t take care of my hair, but whatever. After elementary school, I moved, and I then I was a goth/punk /druggie kid. I just kind of went wherever I could get friends... which when you’re that fat ugly kid with poor social skills, is not a large selection. So yeah... I have every reason to be a nice, sweet girl because of all the humility I gathered as a kid. But, I guess not. I guess in losing those 80 pounds, learning what the crap to do with my hair, how to wear something that isn’t levi’s and a baggy shirt, and learning about the foreign world of make-up, with all that materialistic education, I also learned how to be a heinous witch. Stinky... Oh well, at least I’m hot! (Totally joking. I might have gotten cuter and all that, but I’m still the most insecure person with the lowest self esteem known to man).
I remember there was a guy in high school, who was such a jerk to me my junior year. He used to think up pranks to embarrass and humiliate me, ad well, he was really good at it. He always made me want to cry, but I never did luckily! Anyhow, the summer of my Junior year, you know, when I slimmed down and got hot? Yeah, that one. Well when I came back, he completely didn’t recognize me, and he was hitting on me and he asked if I wanted to go out sometime and was trying to get my number, and trying to get my name, and I turned to him (after leading him on a fair amount in front of his friends), and I said something to the effect of: I’m and there is not a chance on God’s green earth that I’d be dumb enough to go out with a guy like you, not even if we you were the last man on earth. Combine that with your small dick, and even smaller IQ, and the odds are definitely against you buddy. Then I walked off laughing at him and he felt humiliated in front of a bunch of people. I loved that moment. I think that’s the start of my witch stage. I’m calling it a stage because I’m hoping some day I can be the sweet grandma that’s filled with love and fresh baked cookies. (Notice how I say grandma, not mother? Yeah...).
I’ve realized that I cannot for the life of me focus on some Korean woman, or guy as we have today, with really bad accents talk about Korean colonialism. Colonialism is a big thing in Political Science these days. It’s like countries have emotional baggage, and it’s all because of colonialism. Oh joy. I think this guy is mumbling about how the economy was affected... but really, he could be talking about the movie Zombie Strippers, and I’d have no idea. I made my guy go watch this documentary on Estonia and singing (yeah, it was just as mind-numbing as you ‘re envisioning), and he said since I made him see that I have to see Zombie Strippers with him. Frankly, as long as I don’t have to see “The Singing Revolution” that we just saw, I’ll be happy.
Lately there’s been a lot of pictures and whatnot about Jenna Jameson, and while she is a porn star... I just don’t get it. In her time, she was hot sure. But her time has past and she’s like the strawberry at the bottom of the bin. You know, the one that used to be so juicy, sweet, and delectable, but is now growing mold in odd places, and is sunken in on one side. That is my opinion of Jenna Jameson. Another one of those has beens, is Pamela Anderson. I remember when I was a kid and she was hot stuff... well mostly. But the fact that people are still whacking off to her? That’s kind of wrong. I mean, she’s old enough to be some of these guys moms. Plus, she’s like in those commercials about anti-bacterial soaps where they show the competitors, and then theirs and you see all these nasty things crawling around in the one circle, and like none or maybe one in the second circle. She is definitely in the first circle. She is just crawling with every form of STD known to man! When they cure cancer, they’ll still not know what to do with all the things that plague her.
I’m a witch. I really am. I make fun of everyone behind their backs. Unless I’m close to them, then I do it to their face. I saw a girl with parts of her head shaved, the rest died blonde, then pink, she was wearing a skirt, that looked like she took three of the ugliest most haggard skirts and layered them on top of each other. Then she was wearing white beat up storm trooper boots. She was a piece of work. When I saw her my guy and I were walking to my class, and I turned to him and said “Why would you choose a girl like me when you could have a catch like that?”. We both looked over at her and started cracking up laughing. Which is when I realized how heinous I am.
You’d think I’d be nice and sweet all the time, but no. I mean, I was fat as a kid. I was a chubby one. Plus, I had braces for six years, and headgear for like... three or four of those? I got teased in elementary school al the frigging time. It’s just so easy when you see the fat ugly kid with braces and unkept hair. I don’t know why I didn’t take care of my hair, but whatever. After elementary school, I moved, and I then I was a goth/punk /druggie kid. I just kind of went wherever I could get friends... which when you’re that fat ugly kid with poor social skills, is not a large selection. So yeah... I have every reason to be a nice, sweet girl because of all the humility I gathered as a kid. But, I guess not. I guess in losing those 80 pounds, learning what the crap to do with my hair, how to wear something that isn’t levi’s and a baggy shirt, and learning about the foreign world of make-up, with all that materialistic education, I also learned how to be a heinous witch. Stinky... Oh well, at least I’m hot! (Totally joking. I might have gotten cuter and all that, but I’m still the most insecure person with the lowest self esteem known to man).
I remember there was a guy in high school, who was such a jerk to me my junior year. He used to think up pranks to embarrass and humiliate me, ad well, he was really good at it. He always made me want to cry, but I never did luckily! Anyhow, the summer of my Junior year, you know, when I slimmed down and got hot? Yeah, that one. Well when I came back, he completely didn’t recognize me, and he was hitting on me and he asked if I wanted to go out sometime and was trying to get my number, and trying to get my name, and I turned to him (after leading him on a fair amount in front of his friends), and I said something to the effect of: I’m
Donnie Darko, Yes, Southland Tales, NO
So today in church, they gave us a lesson about how we should be journal writers and my boyfriend was like, hey, you should save your blogs, they’re like your journal. Sounds fine right? Then I started thinking about how I’m putting my journal on the web, for the public... Wow. Remember when you were like fifth grade age and you wouldn’t let anyone touch your journal and you locked it? I think it’s funny that when we’re young we keep all that stuff bottled up and won’t let anyone get near it, and when we’re older, we post it all over the net. Nice one guys, nice.
But, if this were my journal, I’d have to be like... uh.. So today, I got out of bed and woke up, went to school, came home and did homework, went to work, came home, spent a little time with the guy, went to sleep. Yeah, real interesting. Today was kind of interesting though. I woke my guy up when I got out of bed at 630 this morning. Oops... Then I went to breakfast with one of my best friend Josh who was visiting from 2 hours North. It was fun, kind of weird though... About six months ago, he confessed his love for me, and ever since then, for SOME reason, things have been a bit more awkward. After breakfast though, we went home and watched Battle Star Galactica episodes before lunch time. Lunch entailed heading back home, saying adieu to Josh, and trying to find out what was making my guy so grumpy. Then church, for two of the three hours, and then... Well, dinner was pizza, and now we’ve reached the present.
This past weekend we watched a movie, called Southland Tales... It has the Rock in it, and Sarah Michelle Gellar, and Sean William Scott, and Mandy Moore, and... yeah, some no-names. But it was by the same guy who did Donnie Darko, which my guy and I both LOVE. This one... great plot in a lot of ways, but the whole sex filled porn star ridden aspects took away from what could have been as good as Donnie Darko. I was saddened. I mean, I like sex, I really do. We all do right? (If you don’t, see a doctor). But I’d rather be the one doing the sex than watching people talk about it and do it on television. Call me weird, but...
Another weird movie is Fear X. So bizarre, a bit too artistic for me, but I really liked it. This guy’s wife is murdered in the parking lot outside the mall he works at, and it’s about him obsessing about her killer, and trying to find him by watching security tapes over and over again. It’s bizarre for sure, because he catches on in a way, and yeah... Watch it, then kill me later for making you watch such a freaky film. I like the freaky ones though. They’re interesting, minus Southland Tales... That’s just dumb. Don’t try to combine political satire and Star Trek in one. Okay, it wasn’t really Star Trek, but there were tears in space time, and time travel. Both which by themselves could be the start to a really good movie.
But, if this were my journal, I’d have to be like... uh.. So today, I got out of bed and woke up, went to school, came home and did homework, went to work, came home, spent a little time with the guy, went to sleep. Yeah, real interesting. Today was kind of interesting though. I woke my guy up when I got out of bed at 630 this morning. Oops... Then I went to breakfast with one of my best friend Josh who was visiting from 2 hours North. It was fun, kind of weird though... About six months ago, he confessed his love for me, and ever since then, for SOME reason, things have been a bit more awkward. After breakfast though, we went home and watched Battle Star Galactica episodes before lunch time. Lunch entailed heading back home, saying adieu to Josh, and trying to find out what was making my guy so grumpy. Then church, for two of the three hours, and then... Well, dinner was pizza, and now we’ve reached the present.
This past weekend we watched a movie, called Southland Tales... It has the Rock in it, and Sarah Michelle Gellar, and Sean William Scott, and Mandy Moore, and... yeah, some no-names. But it was by the same guy who did Donnie Darko, which my guy and I both LOVE. This one... great plot in a lot of ways, but the whole sex filled porn star ridden aspects took away from what could have been as good as Donnie Darko. I was saddened. I mean, I like sex, I really do. We all do right? (If you don’t, see a doctor). But I’d rather be the one doing the sex than watching people talk about it and do it on television. Call me weird, but...
Another weird movie is Fear X. So bizarre, a bit too artistic for me, but I really liked it. This guy’s wife is murdered in the parking lot outside the mall he works at, and it’s about him obsessing about her killer, and trying to find him by watching security tapes over and over again. It’s bizarre for sure, because he catches on in a way, and yeah... Watch it, then kill me later for making you watch such a freaky film. I like the freaky ones though. They’re interesting, minus Southland Tales... That’s just dumb. Don’t try to combine political satire and Star Trek in one. Okay, it wasn’t really Star Trek, but there were tears in space time, and time travel. Both which by themselves could be the start to a really good movie.
Diet Coke is my Savior.
I think that maybe they still put crack in Diet Coke. I mean, I drink so much of this stuff. It’s honestly amazing. It’s the end all of cures. It can cure my headaches, heal my broken heart (I’m assuming, no guy has ever managed to break my heart, and no I’m not a lesbian), perk up the day, solve monday morning blahs, or tuesday, or wednesday, or... yeah, pretty much it just solves everything. I bet if you served Diet Coke at peace talks in the middle east, it’d solve all the violence. Bin Laden, yeah, should’ve given him a sip, he’d have helped us find those weapons of mass destruction... at the Pepsi factory. Okay, not really, I like Diet Pepsi... sometimes....when there’s no Diet Coke available.
As a kid, all I drank was Wild Cherry Pepsi. Every morning my mom gave me 2 dollars for lunch, and around 730 after I got off the bus, I’d buy one and sip on it until lunch, at which time, I’d buy another one with my other dollar and then sip on that one until school got out. Is it any wonder I was a fat kid. The pop never filled me up, and I’d get home and make an after school snack that could solve world hunger. I mean I’d just eat everything I could find, including small animals and siblings. It was sick.
My boyfriend went to Japan a couple weeks ago, and he said the whole time, he only found one place that served Diet Coke. We pretty much decided I’d hate Japan because they couldn’t supply me with adequate Diet Coke quantities. Also, he emailed me and was like “Who’s leg do I have to hump around here to get a refill?”. That clinched it. My favorite places to get dinner, have nothing to do with their food, but everything to do with the unlimited refills. :D. Yeah, that’s an emoticon, just to prove how much I love Diet Coke.
At one of the Red Robin’s around here, I have formed a relationship with one of the servers, because he always remembers me and the large amounts of Diet Coke I drink. The first time he met me, I drank 21 glasses of Diet Coke, and I think it scared him. Then, the next time, he learned his lesson, and just got me a pitcher of Diet Coke, and a straw, I still drank two pitchers. My “record” is three pitchers, and my usual is just over two. Yeah, I’m a freak. I’ll admit it. My friends have decided that I must have a Diet Coke Blood Content. I might actually. Another consequence of drinking so much Diet Coke... Where does it all go? Yeah, that’s right, I piss all the time. I mean, ALL the FRIGGING time. It’s true. I laugh when I’m at my boyfriends house after I’ve downed so much Diet Coke, because his roommates must think I have an over active bladder. They look at me weird everytime I go to the loo. It’s so funny.
Road trips... Yeah, they forbid my Diet Coke consumption because if not we have to stop every half hour for me to take a whizz. Ha ha. Yeah, I’m laughing, and drinking Diet Coke at this very moment, but this one’s almost out, so I better go find another vending machine before I run out. Late.
As a kid, all I drank was Wild Cherry Pepsi. Every morning my mom gave me 2 dollars for lunch, and around 730 after I got off the bus, I’d buy one and sip on it until lunch, at which time, I’d buy another one with my other dollar and then sip on that one until school got out. Is it any wonder I was a fat kid. The pop never filled me up, and I’d get home and make an after school snack that could solve world hunger. I mean I’d just eat everything I could find, including small animals and siblings. It was sick.
My boyfriend went to Japan a couple weeks ago, and he said the whole time, he only found one place that served Diet Coke. We pretty much decided I’d hate Japan because they couldn’t supply me with adequate Diet Coke quantities. Also, he emailed me and was like “Who’s leg do I have to hump around here to get a refill?”. That clinched it. My favorite places to get dinner, have nothing to do with their food, but everything to do with the unlimited refills. :D. Yeah, that’s an emoticon, just to prove how much I love Diet Coke.
At one of the Red Robin’s around here, I have formed a relationship with one of the servers, because he always remembers me and the large amounts of Diet Coke I drink. The first time he met me, I drank 21 glasses of Diet Coke, and I think it scared him. Then, the next time, he learned his lesson, and just got me a pitcher of Diet Coke, and a straw, I still drank two pitchers. My “record” is three pitchers, and my usual is just over two. Yeah, I’m a freak. I’ll admit it. My friends have decided that I must have a Diet Coke Blood Content. I might actually. Another consequence of drinking so much Diet Coke... Where does it all go? Yeah, that’s right, I piss all the time. I mean, ALL the FRIGGING time. It’s true. I laugh when I’m at my boyfriends house after I’ve downed so much Diet Coke, because his roommates must think I have an over active bladder. They look at me weird everytime I go to the loo. It’s so funny.
Road trips... Yeah, they forbid my Diet Coke consumption because if not we have to stop every half hour for me to take a whizz. Ha ha. Yeah, I’m laughing, and drinking Diet Coke at this very moment, but this one’s almost out, so I better go find another vending machine before I run out. Late.
Marriage, is what makes me gag, today.
All my friends are getting married these days, and it’s weird. Weirder yet, is that lots of them are putting their baby making machinery to work and popping out versions 2.0. Creepy. And, while I like my friends in some portion or another, the idea of a bunch of mini-them’s waltzing around makes me wary. But the whole everyone getting hitched, I mean that’s cool, sad it’s not me, but... I can’t tell if it makes me quite mad, as in jealous, or if it makes me weirded out that everyone’s tying the noose knot so soon. Which made me start thinking about my no-marriage policy. I’ve decided that if I found or if I have found the right one, I’d be up for it. It would be conditional upon a few things though.
First off, they’d have to agree to put up with me during the bad time of the month once I got off the shot. But you know, that’s not THAT much to ask... most months. Second, they’d have to want and be willing to head toward a temple marriage. I’m okay with civil first, especially, you know, if he were a convert, and his parents weren’t members. Cough Cough... (You know, like perhaps my guy’s). But he’d have to be supportive of working the next year on getting us into the temple, and want to keep the church and the temple a big part of our married life. Third, he’s has to want kids in some form, and I don’t mean the kids in some form, alien, animal, etc. I mean want in some form. So like, he could want one kid, or five kids, that’s all fine, and he could even not necessarily be gung-ho about having kids but know that they’re a part of the future, all those circumstances are just fine. Fourth... well... he’s has to agree to want to buy a house in the near future, near being within ten years, and being willing and able to work toward that. Willing, meaning thinking positively about the idea, and able, as in has the ability to save his money, and get a job that has some surplus after the bills. Fifth, he has to be willing to be home if we had a family as often as possible, and want and be willing to make family, home, and church, a priority in life and marriage. Fifth, he has to agree to help with the house if we’re both working, and he has to keep himself and his things or space, neat and tidy (luckily, my current, has NO problem with all that. Ah, I love him). Sixth, he has to propose in some creative way. Doesn’t have to be big or extravagant, but I don’t want to tell my kids, well we were sitting down, and leaned over and asked me if I’d marry him and I said yes. That’s so freaking blah.
My parents have the funniest story of proposal. Well, I think it’s funny. So my Dad had been trying to get my mother to agree to marry him for a while, and he NEVER wanted to get married, didn’t want the noose around her neck, and didn’t want a family or any of that “expletive”. On this one particular night, my mom got proposed to by a guy she claims she barely knew, and had been on three dates with, and it was in her apartment, and then my Dad calls and she’s like, oh crap, I love this guy, I need to get this other doofer out of my apartment. She was so rude to this guy, she snuck him down the stairs while my Dad was coming up the elevator, and this guy is like crying, and she really didn’t care. So then my Dad says he’s going to leave the state and her and everything unless she marries him, and she buckled, and gave in. It so explains their current relationship, which is amazingly enough really happy and functional.
So the other day, my guy mentioned marriage (and I didn’t get my hopes up so shush), and he was thinking of who he’d want to go to his wedding, and we discussed it, and he decided he wanted a small ceremony. Then a couple days later, he said he wanted to get married in Hawaii, and I thought that was a)weird to bring up b)pretty freaking romantic coming from a guy c)not too bad an idea. It was odd, because sometimes I get the feeling he’d like to marry me someday, and other times, I feel like I’m just holding a place until he decides what he really wants. Great.
Proposals. Yeah, back to those. You know what the most awkward thing in the world is? Saying no. I’ve been proposed to three times in my life, well three with a ring, and tentatively two other times. Weird right? I’m 21... That’s weird to me. Weirder still is that I said no to both of the bold ring bearing offers and didn’t quite say yes to the other two. It’s really awkward, when they take you out, or they put forth all that effort, they have a frigging ring, and then you’re like, um, actually, no... and on top of that since I am unwilling to marry you, let’s break up. I must come across as a total witch, spelled more with a B, when I do that, but what am I supposed to say? The most awkward proposal, was a guy that went out of the country on business brought back three huge diamonds, certified and everything, and then had them placed in a platinum setting by a jeweler we knew. Oh, and did I mention that there were $5k of diamonds on that thing? Yeah, that was really hard to say no to, mostly because I knew it was non-refundable. Always looking out for that bottom dollar, right?
So all this marriage crap made me start thinking what I want if I manage to convince some sad sap I’m not as much of a dud and a drag I actually am. I really am starting to like my guys idea of getting married in Hawaii, on Maui. So we could get married, in Maui, I’d almost like the cliche idea of getting hitched on the beach with both our families and whoever had enough cash to be willing to come to Hawaii to see us tie the knot. I’d want to wear a modest, but pretty flowing dress, all in white, but with some splash of aqua, perhaps a ribbon in my hair, or around my waist, tied in the back. I’d want yellow-orange roses all over the freaking place, and tie them up with aqua colored bows around the stem. That sounds really cute to me now, but by the time I find a sucker, I’ll probably decide that’s a horrid color scheme. But for now, yellow-orange roses with aqua accents on everything sounds really beautiful to me. I’d want a square 3-tier cake with yellow-orange rose petals around it, pretty simple and pretty. Ah, this is sick... I’m thinking about my dream wedding. Gross. Pretty soon I’ll be wearing pink and listening to Miley Cyrus.... Crap... (I totally looked down and realized I’m wearing a shirt with a little bit of pink on it. I think I’ll go home and burn it).
First off, they’d have to agree to put up with me during the bad time of the month once I got off the shot. But you know, that’s not THAT much to ask... most months. Second, they’d have to want and be willing to head toward a temple marriage. I’m okay with civil first, especially, you know, if he were a convert, and his parents weren’t members. Cough Cough... (You know, like perhaps my guy’s). But he’d have to be supportive of working the next year on getting us into the temple, and want to keep the church and the temple a big part of our married life. Third, he’s has to want kids in some form, and I don’t mean the kids in some form, alien, animal, etc. I mean want in some form. So like, he could want one kid, or five kids, that’s all fine, and he could even not necessarily be gung-ho about having kids but know that they’re a part of the future, all those circumstances are just fine. Fourth... well... he’s has to agree to want to buy a house in the near future, near being within ten years, and being willing and able to work toward that. Willing, meaning thinking positively about the idea, and able, as in has the ability to save his money, and get a job that has some surplus after the bills. Fifth, he has to be willing to be home if we had a family as often as possible, and want and be willing to make family, home, and church, a priority in life and marriage. Fifth, he has to agree to help with the house if we’re both working, and he has to keep himself and his things or space, neat and tidy (luckily, my current, has NO problem with all that. Ah, I love him). Sixth, he has to propose in some creative way. Doesn’t have to be big or extravagant, but I don’t want to tell my kids, well we were sitting down, and leaned over and asked me if I’d marry him and I said yes. That’s so freaking blah.
My parents have the funniest story of proposal. Well, I think it’s funny. So my Dad had been trying to get my mother to agree to marry him for a while, and he NEVER wanted to get married, didn’t want the noose around her neck, and didn’t want a family or any of that “expletive”. On this one particular night, my mom got proposed to by a guy she claims she barely knew, and had been on three dates with, and it was in her apartment, and then my Dad calls and she’s like, oh crap, I love this guy, I need to get this other doofer out of my apartment. She was so rude to this guy, she snuck him down the stairs while my Dad was coming up the elevator, and this guy is like crying, and she really didn’t care. So then my Dad says he’s going to leave the state and her and everything unless she marries him, and she buckled, and gave in. It so explains their current relationship, which is amazingly enough really happy and functional.
So the other day, my guy mentioned marriage (and I didn’t get my hopes up so shush), and he was thinking of who he’d want to go to his wedding, and we discussed it, and he decided he wanted a small ceremony. Then a couple days later, he said he wanted to get married in Hawaii, and I thought that was a)weird to bring up b)pretty freaking romantic coming from a guy c)not too bad an idea. It was odd, because sometimes I get the feeling he’d like to marry me someday, and other times, I feel like I’m just holding a place until he decides what he really wants. Great.
Proposals. Yeah, back to those. You know what the most awkward thing in the world is? Saying no. I’ve been proposed to three times in my life, well three with a ring, and tentatively two other times. Weird right? I’m 21... That’s weird to me. Weirder still is that I said no to both of the bold ring bearing offers and didn’t quite say yes to the other two. It’s really awkward, when they take you out, or they put forth all that effort, they have a frigging ring, and then you’re like, um, actually, no... and on top of that since I am unwilling to marry you, let’s break up. I must come across as a total witch, spelled more with a B, when I do that, but what am I supposed to say? The most awkward proposal, was a guy that went out of the country on business brought back three huge diamonds, certified and everything, and then had them placed in a platinum setting by a jeweler we knew. Oh, and did I mention that there were $5k of diamonds on that thing? Yeah, that was really hard to say no to, mostly because I knew it was non-refundable. Always looking out for that bottom dollar, right?
So all this marriage crap made me start thinking what I want if I manage to convince some sad sap I’m not as much of a dud and a drag I actually am. I really am starting to like my guys idea of getting married in Hawaii, on Maui. So we could get married, in Maui, I’d almost like the cliche idea of getting hitched on the beach with both our families and whoever had enough cash to be willing to come to Hawaii to see us tie the knot. I’d want to wear a modest, but pretty flowing dress, all in white, but with some splash of aqua, perhaps a ribbon in my hair, or around my waist, tied in the back. I’d want yellow-orange roses all over the freaking place, and tie them up with aqua colored bows around the stem. That sounds really cute to me now, but by the time I find a sucker, I’ll probably decide that’s a horrid color scheme. But for now, yellow-orange roses with aqua accents on everything sounds really beautiful to me. I’d want a square 3-tier cake with yellow-orange rose petals around it, pretty simple and pretty. Ah, this is sick... I’m thinking about my dream wedding. Gross. Pretty soon I’ll be wearing pink and listening to Miley Cyrus.... Crap... (I totally looked down and realized I’m wearing a shirt with a little bit of pink on it. I think I’ll go home and burn it).
Crazy exes, and Crazy Girlfriends.
So one of my exes that wanted to marry me has started talking to me when he sees I’m awake late at night, and I have to say, it’s pretty weird. Right? Eff it. I hate the kid. I am so frustrated right now.. I don’t even know how to explain it. I STILL have this stupid headache. My boy... I mean guy, although... yeah nevermind... He’s making me all frustrated and confused. Meh... Is this how all chicks are? I mean... My sex is freaking crazy. So, I know I never out my name in here, but it’s a boy’s name, and I’m a girl.
Today, I was thinking that maybe that’s the reason I am so effed up. I’m a he-she. Not really, I am quite a girl as is witnessed by the psychotic nature of my last blogs. Yeah, which leads me to wonder how guys ever put up with you. I have a friend that puts up with this girl he’s dating, and it’s beyond me how it’s possible. She doesn’t like his friend, and so she had his car towed. Which, I don’t know about you but seems pretty witch like right? I mean, that’s evil. Then, she tossed another one of his friends keys into the alley way from their third story window, when the guy was running late for work, because he wasn’t being “nice” to her. By nice, he wasn’t sufficiently kissing her ass. Sad right? So.. The point of this ranting? Well the other day something happened to level the score. So this Bitch has a little dog, you know, Paris Hilton, I’m a whore that needs a dog to love so that I feel important, type of dog, and well this dog is like her life. That dog, ranks over my friend, you know her boyfriend? Yeah, so my other friends have been complaining about how much they hate this girl, but he won’t leave her, and won’t get on her case for the evil crap she pulls. So a couple of the guys got fed up with it, and while she was in the shower, left a door open, and the dog got out. She was FUMING. Beyond that, she finally got the dog back... but he was... different shall we say. My friends shaved it, then wrote in permanent pen all over the dog different some really awful words... Yeah, for some reason the picture I got of a shaved little dog covered in the F-word in big black ink, was HILARIOUS. She was so mad.
Wouldn’t you dump the chick though? If everyone you know tells you the same thing, either, you’re really wrong or you need new friends. Right? Yes, that’s a yes for those of you that were deciding on that one.
Today, I was thinking that maybe that’s the reason I am so effed up. I’m a he-she. Not really, I am quite a girl as is witnessed by the psychotic nature of my last blogs. Yeah, which leads me to wonder how guys ever put up with you. I have a friend that puts up with this girl he’s dating, and it’s beyond me how it’s possible. She doesn’t like his friend, and so she had his car towed. Which, I don’t know about you but seems pretty witch like right? I mean, that’s evil. Then, she tossed another one of his friends keys into the alley way from their third story window, when the guy was running late for work, because he wasn’t being “nice” to her. By nice, he wasn’t sufficiently kissing her ass. Sad right? So.. The point of this ranting? Well the other day something happened to level the score. So this Bitch has a little dog, you know, Paris Hilton, I’m a whore that needs a dog to love so that I feel important, type of dog, and well this dog is like her life. That dog, ranks over my friend, you know her boyfriend? Yeah, so my other friends have been complaining about how much they hate this girl, but he won’t leave her, and won’t get on her case for the evil crap she pulls. So a couple of the guys got fed up with it, and while she was in the shower, left a door open, and the dog got out. She was FUMING. Beyond that, she finally got the dog back... but he was... different shall we say. My friends shaved it, then wrote in permanent pen all over the dog different some really awful words... Yeah, for some reason the picture I got of a shaved little dog covered in the F-word in big black ink, was HILARIOUS. She was so mad.
Wouldn’t you dump the chick though? If everyone you know tells you the same thing, either, you’re really wrong or you need new friends. Right? Yes, that’s a yes for those of you that were deciding on that one.
My future involves Fries and a Shake!
Okay, so now something other than my phone. My boy... First off let’s start by saying that I love him. A lot in fact. I think he is funny, and smart, and amazing, and all around a great guy. He helps out with everything, thinks of others and is considerate of them, he’s sweet, he’s a good kisser, he gives the best hugs, heck, even the sex is good. He has a nice truck, he’s smart with his money, he’s frugal, he’s independent. He’s even neat and tidy like me, he makes his bed every morning, likes things to be clean up and organized. His closet and everything is like mine, he’s smart about shredding stuff he should, and protecting his passwords and identity and whatnot. He’s really well rounded, and just plain wonderful. This isn’t to say he’s perfect, but he might just be perfect for me.
Now that you know how I feel about him, now for the downside. This is going to sound weird, but he’s 6 years older than I am. He’s 27. Which is fine, I have no problem with older guys, heck I’d have to say I like it. But, he dated a girl for 2 1/2 years, and never seemed to want to move to the married stage. Which I can understand, because not everyone in the world was raised in a mormon world where you get married after dating under a year. But I can’t help but wonder if he just doesn’t want to get married, or if he has a fear of commitment or what? Although I couldn’t be happier they didn’t work out because now I get to date him. But..., and there’s always a but right? We talk about the future a fair amount, and he says things like he’d be willing to move with me somewhere, like Chicago or New York, if I wanted to do grad school. But when I was telling him about a conversation I had with my friend Rachel, about what I wanted to do after graduation, and I told him about saying that it depended on him, he said not to base things on him. It was awkward, because it was like... isn’t that what him and I have talked about a fair amount lately anyway? So is he trying to say that he’s decided I have a pull date? or that he’s not sure he wants to be with me that long? How am I supposed to take that?
I realize that I’m over analyzing things. I know that. I’m a girl though, so I’m allowed sometimes right? So he pretty much confuses me all the time. Yesterday I was thinking that maybe, him and I should break up. I don’t feel like I’m good enough for him. I want to be with him, to be honest I want to be with him for a very long time, like... I don’t know maybe forever? But it seems like I bore him, and like I’m not good enough for him. Weird right? Sometimes I think I’m just way too insecure to have a boyfriend. Or at least to have one that doesn’t worship me. I’m laughing right now, because he’s one of the first guys that doesn’t worship me and think I’m like the greatest thing since sliced bread. It’s weird, I’m all jealous, and worried about losing him all the time.
Alright, as much as he fills my mind a large amount of the time, I think I need to move onto a new subject. Running? I love running. I really do. But my guy and I spend a fair amount of time together, and I don’t like running with other people. He’s always like, let’s go jogging, and I’m like uh... maybe, when really I want to say, okay let’s go to the Burke-Gilman trail and you can run one way, and I’ll run the other way, then we can meet back here when we’re done. Also, running seems to make my hips hurt more, so it makes me worried about running more. On top of that, I hate having to make up lost ground, and the last three or four weeks I haven’t ran at all, and I know I won’t be able to run the hour I’m used to running. That makes me depressed, and I’m scared if I start running again, I’ll have to start from square one, which sucks. Square one, is not being able to run a mile. Ugh. That would make me cry, if this headache doesn’t first.
I really want to get a Master’s in Disability Studies. Problem, there’s only like 5 programs in North America, and two of them are in Canada. I don’t know about you, but even me, who celebrates boxing day, and is 1/4 Canadian, doesn’t feel like going to Canada for a year or two. Really... eh? Yeah, not this time.
Wow, pause for a moment. I think I’m going to pass out. I’m in class and everything just changed colors and started to get dark. If I pass out, that’s going to be very embarrassing. Like, really embarrassing, more so because my boyfriends roommate is sitting two rows in front of me. Crap.
Back to grad school. Like I said, I really want to go. One of my best friends is Belgian and she’s planning on going to grad school in Europe, and she told me to check out European schools, especially in the U.K., which sounds like a good idea. One problem with that, sure I can convince the boy to go to the opposite side of the country, but what about not only a whole new country, but an entirely different continent? (I need to stop calling him my boy, he’s 27 for goodness sakes). so that poses a slight problem for me. Secondly, can I even get in? And if I can, why don’t I just go to a U.S. school I can get into? Oh wait, I don’t think I can get in. Suck. Oh, and would I rather go into law and then work as a Disability Rights lawyer? Is that even a possibility? This whole thing is so confusing and stressful. I hate being driven. If I didn’t constantly want to better myself, this would be a whole lot easier. ((Another thing I really like about my guy, (See, I used guy instead of boy), is that he wouldn’t be happy with his job, he’d always be wanting to move up)). You know, all this blogging and whining, and I’m still no closer to knowing what the crap is in store for my future. I hate this, like a lot.
New thing... So I just talked to my guy, and it was like... ugh. He says marriage is a sour subject... What in the hell does that mean... ? Do I want to know? or do I just want to ignore that and continue living a happy life? If I thought I was confused before, I’m definitely confused now.
Oh, and if you couldn't tell, I'm switching blog sites, and so these are older ones I hadn't posted yet.
Now that you know how I feel about him, now for the downside. This is going to sound weird, but he’s 6 years older than I am. He’s 27. Which is fine, I have no problem with older guys, heck I’d have to say I like it. But, he dated a girl for 2 1/2 years, and never seemed to want to move to the married stage. Which I can understand, because not everyone in the world was raised in a mormon world where you get married after dating under a year. But I can’t help but wonder if he just doesn’t want to get married, or if he has a fear of commitment or what? Although I couldn’t be happier they didn’t work out because now I get to date him. But..., and there’s always a but right? We talk about the future a fair amount, and he says things like he’d be willing to move with me somewhere, like Chicago or New York, if I wanted to do grad school. But when I was telling him about a conversation I had with my friend Rachel, about what I wanted to do after graduation, and I told him about saying that it depended on him, he said not to base things on him. It was awkward, because it was like... isn’t that what him and I have talked about a fair amount lately anyway? So is he trying to say that he’s decided I have a pull date? or that he’s not sure he wants to be with me that long? How am I supposed to take that?
I realize that I’m over analyzing things. I know that. I’m a girl though, so I’m allowed sometimes right? So he pretty much confuses me all the time. Yesterday I was thinking that maybe, him and I should break up. I don’t feel like I’m good enough for him. I want to be with him, to be honest I want to be with him for a very long time, like... I don’t know maybe forever? But it seems like I bore him, and like I’m not good enough for him. Weird right? Sometimes I think I’m just way too insecure to have a boyfriend. Or at least to have one that doesn’t worship me. I’m laughing right now, because he’s one of the first guys that doesn’t worship me and think I’m like the greatest thing since sliced bread. It’s weird, I’m all jealous, and worried about losing him all the time.
Alright, as much as he fills my mind a large amount of the time, I think I need to move onto a new subject. Running? I love running. I really do. But my guy and I spend a fair amount of time together, and I don’t like running with other people. He’s always like, let’s go jogging, and I’m like uh... maybe, when really I want to say, okay let’s go to the Burke-Gilman trail and you can run one way, and I’ll run the other way, then we can meet back here when we’re done. Also, running seems to make my hips hurt more, so it makes me worried about running more. On top of that, I hate having to make up lost ground, and the last three or four weeks I haven’t ran at all, and I know I won’t be able to run the hour I’m used to running. That makes me depressed, and I’m scared if I start running again, I’ll have to start from square one, which sucks. Square one, is not being able to run a mile. Ugh. That would make me cry, if this headache doesn’t first.
I really want to get a Master’s in Disability Studies. Problem, there’s only like 5 programs in North America, and two of them are in Canada. I don’t know about you, but even me, who celebrates boxing day, and is 1/4 Canadian, doesn’t feel like going to Canada for a year or two. Really... eh? Yeah, not this time.
Wow, pause for a moment. I think I’m going to pass out. I’m in class and everything just changed colors and started to get dark. If I pass out, that’s going to be very embarrassing. Like, really embarrassing, more so because my boyfriends roommate is sitting two rows in front of me. Crap.
Back to grad school. Like I said, I really want to go. One of my best friends is Belgian and she’s planning on going to grad school in Europe, and she told me to check out European schools, especially in the U.K., which sounds like a good idea. One problem with that, sure I can convince the boy to go to the opposite side of the country, but what about not only a whole new country, but an entirely different continent? (I need to stop calling him my boy, he’s 27 for goodness sakes). so that poses a slight problem for me. Secondly, can I even get in? And if I can, why don’t I just go to a U.S. school I can get into? Oh wait, I don’t think I can get in. Suck. Oh, and would I rather go into law and then work as a Disability Rights lawyer? Is that even a possibility? This whole thing is so confusing and stressful. I hate being driven. If I didn’t constantly want to better myself, this would be a whole lot easier. ((Another thing I really like about my guy, (See, I used guy instead of boy), is that he wouldn’t be happy with his job, he’d always be wanting to move up)). You know, all this blogging and whining, and I’m still no closer to knowing what the crap is in store for my future. I hate this, like a lot.
New thing... So I just talked to my guy, and it was like... ugh. He says marriage is a sour subject... What in the hell does that mean... ? Do I want to know? or do I just want to ignore that and continue living a happy life? If I thought I was confused before, I’m definitely confused now.
Oh, and if you couldn't tell, I'm switching blog sites, and so these are older ones I hadn't posted yet.
Pregnant Blackberries, and toilet training
So pretty much, I have the worst luck ever. I mean, ever! today, I had to piss like a pregnant woman, and so I head over to the bathroom in Denny. I put my phone in my back pocket, which I do often, but it didn’t have the gel cover that makes it less slick on this time around. So when I turn myself around to drop my drawers, what happens? Yeah, that’s right, my phone drops right into the toy-toy, completely submerged in water. At least I hadn’t pissed yet, right? Yeah... I hate my life. Then, I take it out, drain it of water as best I can, before I try using it again, and the screen is still on, and I’m like hey, my $300 phone lived. Woot-woot. Then I try using it. Yeah, pretty much fried. Suddenly, every button is a Q... So no matter what I do, it types a Q onto the screen. Wonderful. Q... The least used and least helpful letter in our entire alphabet.
My mood is real great at this point. I’ve just killed my rather pricey blackberry, and I have this freaking headache that will not go away for the life of me. It started yesterday morning, and I took like 10 Advil, and it totally didn’t go away. I mean, it dulled it yeah, but it still hurt. Then I have a rather non-existent night of sleep, and when I finally decide to get up, my head hurts so bad, I want to cry. So I take Excedrin, because while Advil is just acetaminophen, Excedrin has Acetaminophen, Asprin, and Caffeine. More drugs, for more of a headache. Good right? An HOUR later, it still hasn’t kicked in. So then I look in my purse, and what’s there? Aleve! Good thing, because Aleve has Noproxen Sodium in it. But wait, I’m an intelligent consumer, and I know that drugs can interact with each other in bad ways, so I decide I should go online and see if the drugs can be taken together safely. So I open up the laptop in class, and guess what... No connection in Denny Hall. Oldest Hall on campus, and no internet. Great. So then I decide I should check the warnings on the back of the canister, because at this point, this headache is making me teary eyed. On the back it says “may cause a severe allergic reaction, especially in people allergic to Asprin. Symptoms may include hives, facial swelling, asthma (wheezing), shock, skin reddening, rash, or blisters. If an allergic reaction occurs, stop use and seek medical help right away”.
One thing about this worries me, Excedrin makes me nauseous because of the Asprin, Asprin makes me throw up because unless it comes with something else, my body rejects it. So, I’m going to assume I have some sort of allergy to Asprin. Okay, I can deal with that, so I might have an allergic reaction to Aleve. But, I do have a doctor’s appointment in two hours, so if something did happen, I’d get medical help real quick. This headache is starting to be unbearable. It’s starting to seem more worth it to try this stuff, even with all the possible side effects, because honestly, hives, shock, blisters, all sounds better than this bloody headache. So long as the bottle doesn’t say “may cause death!” I think I’m safe right? Okay, so maybe it’s still not a good idea, but this headache hasn’t gone away, I’m nauseous from the Excedrin, and my hips still hurt. That’s what I’m going to the doctor’s for anyway. My stupid hips. That’s part of the reason I can’t sleep at night. I lay on my hips for an hour, give or take 30 minutes, and my hips start hurting like they’re being separated from my torso by an ogre. What the heck?
I honestly believe I might end up being the youngest person ever to get a hip replacement. I’m really going to kill my doctor if she doesn’t fix something with me, either the headaches, the hips, the dizziness, or the nausea. Oh, yeah the dizziness. I keep standing up, and it’s like, Wow... I’m going to pass out. I’ve only passed out a few times, but still watching the world turn black isn’t very fun. In fact it really blows.
Apart from my health, there’s other stuff that’s crap. Besides the phone, but actually, back to the phone. I now have to replace my phone. That’s effing expensive, especially because I just bought some tickets for something for a friend. What the crap. I hate it. This is already my second one of these, and this one is only like three months old? Or something like that? Ridiculous. Honestly people, I love my phone, but this is just dumb. I need to buy a cheepie crap phone this time, and stop paying $20 a month for the blackberry stuff. Bleh.
My mood is real great at this point. I’ve just killed my rather pricey blackberry, and I have this freaking headache that will not go away for the life of me. It started yesterday morning, and I took like 10 Advil, and it totally didn’t go away. I mean, it dulled it yeah, but it still hurt. Then I have a rather non-existent night of sleep, and when I finally decide to get up, my head hurts so bad, I want to cry. So I take Excedrin, because while Advil is just acetaminophen, Excedrin has Acetaminophen, Asprin, and Caffeine. More drugs, for more of a headache. Good right? An HOUR later, it still hasn’t kicked in. So then I look in my purse, and what’s there? Aleve! Good thing, because Aleve has Noproxen Sodium in it. But wait, I’m an intelligent consumer, and I know that drugs can interact with each other in bad ways, so I decide I should go online and see if the drugs can be taken together safely. So I open up the laptop in class, and guess what... No connection in Denny Hall. Oldest Hall on campus, and no internet. Great. So then I decide I should check the warnings on the back of the canister, because at this point, this headache is making me teary eyed. On the back it says “may cause a severe allergic reaction, especially in people allergic to Asprin. Symptoms may include hives, facial swelling, asthma (wheezing), shock, skin reddening, rash, or blisters. If an allergic reaction occurs, stop use and seek medical help right away”.
One thing about this worries me, Excedrin makes me nauseous because of the Asprin, Asprin makes me throw up because unless it comes with something else, my body rejects it. So, I’m going to assume I have some sort of allergy to Asprin. Okay, I can deal with that, so I might have an allergic reaction to Aleve. But, I do have a doctor’s appointment in two hours, so if something did happen, I’d get medical help real quick. This headache is starting to be unbearable. It’s starting to seem more worth it to try this stuff, even with all the possible side effects, because honestly, hives, shock, blisters, all sounds better than this bloody headache. So long as the bottle doesn’t say “may cause death!” I think I’m safe right? Okay, so maybe it’s still not a good idea, but this headache hasn’t gone away, I’m nauseous from the Excedrin, and my hips still hurt. That’s what I’m going to the doctor’s for anyway. My stupid hips. That’s part of the reason I can’t sleep at night. I lay on my hips for an hour, give or take 30 minutes, and my hips start hurting like they’re being separated from my torso by an ogre. What the heck?
I honestly believe I might end up being the youngest person ever to get a hip replacement. I’m really going to kill my doctor if she doesn’t fix something with me, either the headaches, the hips, the dizziness, or the nausea. Oh, yeah the dizziness. I keep standing up, and it’s like, Wow... I’m going to pass out. I’ve only passed out a few times, but still watching the world turn black isn’t very fun. In fact it really blows.
Apart from my health, there’s other stuff that’s crap. Besides the phone, but actually, back to the phone. I now have to replace my phone. That’s effing expensive, especially because I just bought some tickets for something for a friend. What the crap. I hate it. This is already my second one of these, and this one is only like three months old? Or something like that? Ridiculous. Honestly people, I love my phone, but this is just dumb. I need to buy a cheepie crap phone this time, and stop paying $20 a month for the blackberry stuff. Bleh.
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