The genetic pool needs some bleach, pronto!

My grandma... She’s psycho. Both of them. Talking about being a grandma last time made me think of my choice genetic heritage. And by choice, I mean last choice. On my mothers side... We have my grandpa who moved to Idaho so he could not disclose information between his various doctors, so that he could get as many meds as he could. He’s big on prescription drugs. And by big, I mean he’s constantly doped up so much so that I wonder why his body hasn’t given up. He pops so any pills! It’s crazy. Then there’s his wife, my grandma, who is a quiet, easily walked over woman. No clue why they are married still. Oh, and I forgot to mention that grandpa is a recovered alcoholic abusive, (or so is claimed), redneck racist. In fact I’m scared to tell him I’m dating an Asian, more so if they ever meet, because my guy looks more half mexican in reality.

Then there’s their kids. I have one aunt and two uncles. First off all kids left home before 16, and all did large amounts of drugs and whatnot at home. My aunt has five kids... two different husbands- the first was a drugged out crazy hippie. Of her children, the first has a failed marriage, and is still trying to get his bachelors at 27 or 28, He’s the best off probably, he just got married again to a girl who brought a kid with her from her past marriage. He peed his pants last time he came over, and I swear he’s like 7. The next kid is married to a mexican who stole their two kids and moved away where she can’t find them, and she’s now dating/committing adultery (however you wish to view it), with an illegal alien from mexico and they just had a baby. She’s thirty something, but her and her illegal alien are both living in my aunt’s house. Third kid, doesn’t talk to the family anymore, and can you blame her? She had a kid, but got divorced, and didn’t get custody (women always get custody,wtf?). Now she is remarried and he brought a kid, and then she had one more.

Fourth kid... He’s crazy. He used to deal coke, and by coke I mean cocaine, not Coca Cola, and he decided to take his naive cousin (Me) with him... Well apparently the stuff was weak or something, and I got beaten up at Relay for Life like a week later for it. Lovely. He has a bunch of piercings, including his nipples (nasty), nose, ears, and I heard his unmentionables... He had one wife, they got divorced then he got remarried , and they had a kid, they got divorced and she took the kid, and then for the third time he got married, (amazingly they’re still together), and they have a kid. He looks so Hooligan too. He’s dirty street junkie looking with a really bad goatee.

The last kid happens to hate me actually. Marvelous! She married the brother of my other cousins husband (the one that ran off with the kids), and they had a kid, but now they’re divorced and she’s dating a really creepy guy. FYI- all the first kids of these cousins were born before they turned 18. I’m the first granddaughter to not get preggers before 18, and the first to graduate from high school on time, and soon the first grandkid to graduate college (hopefully two months from now).

Then there is Uncle #1, who married a heroine addict who sucked his bank account dry and forgot about her children. Dysfunctional family with everyone (kids included) smoking, drinking, and doing drugs in a constant state of chaos. They have two kids, a boy and a girl. The boy, (one of the only cousins I actually enjoy) married his girlfriend he started dating when they were 16, and they took a break during which she got pregnant by someone else, but he treated the baby as his own, before the baby died of SIDS. After the baby died, they had one that actually was his, and a little while later they had another, and they just had another a little while ago. Amazingly through a constant crisis situation of their finances, and their constant bickering, they’re still married. I’m proud of him for that. His sister, never got married or anything at first, so besides her drug and alcohol problems, we held out high hopes... Then about a month ago, she showed up at the house and announced she had married some guy. Apparently the day before she wasn’t married, then suddenly she was, and oh yeah... the guy is like 43, and I think she’s like 24 or something. Great stuff.

The last uncle, didn’t get married until he was 40 something, and his wife is crazy. She twitches all the time, and while I was really close to him after he got off drugs, that ended when he married her. She’s really nice and all, but she’s... dumb, weird, and completely without social skills. He spent till about 30 smoking pot up the wazzu, doing and dealing drugs, and working on cars. He’s my favorite of the uncles though. We used to work on cars, and I spent a summer working in a truck shop with him. It was crazy fun.

So that’s my drugged out, baby producing, mexican saturated family on my mom’s side. They’re about as redneck as it gets and we try to limit extended family activities to twice yearly. Then there is my Dad’s side. There’s Grandpa... and Grandma... But we don’t call them that. We call them by their names, which makes them seem even less like family. He (grandpa) went on a Mormon mission to where She lived and then after came back to marry Her best friend, and ended up marrying Her. I actually have no idea how that happened, I just know that She was 16 at the time. Gross! They got married unbeknownst to Her parents, and She finished out high school, them both living in separate houses until she graduated. Why bother getting hitched then? Yeah, I have no explanations for them, except that I think they’re both psychotic.
They... well, had a very bizarre, naked, hippie filled, family... As explanation, I think it’s easiest to say that He eventually went to jail three times for child molestation, and he didn’t keep it out of the home life. Eventually they divorced, while He went to jail, and She decided she wanted a music degree and not the burden of “children”. So what happened is my Dad and his brother were sent to her parents house and were pretty much raised by them, if you can call it raising them. The grandparents really didn’t care about where they were and provided essentially a roof over their heads and food. My Dad once didn’t come home for a week, and they didn’t seem to notice or care.

Back to them... He, I’ve met once, and it was when he was on parole between prison sentences. Oh goody! I believe he’s on parole right now, but for some reason accessing the sex offenders registration site isn’t something I usually feel like doing, and that’s the only place I can get information about him. Now, She. She came back in my Dad’s late teens, after all the work of parenting was done, and my Dad was planning to go on a Mormon mission. She “borrowed” the money, and in essence just stole it, because she had no intention of paying him back. Later, she stole his tax refund check, cashed it, and used it for a baby grand piano. Keep in mind, at this time that my family (Dad, Mom, and I) were starving, and we needed that money for rent and groceries. Yes, She continues to be as heinous and manipulative as ever.

That is the heinous, child raping, money stealing, manipulative, and evil side of my family that belongs to my Dad. Oh, there’s his brother I guess, who smokes pot all the time and is more or less a dead-beat. That’s about it. That’s the family of me.