Zombie Strippers, and other whores.

I’m in class, and my boyfriends roommate is sitting behind me, and all I can think is “bathroom hog”! Which really isn’t fair because it’s his freaking apartment! I’m just the girlfriend who is over WAY too much and who spends ungodly amount of time at his apartment. Oh well? Yeah, this morning I woke up like fifteen minutes before I had to leave, and this guy was in the shower the whole time, and I really really needed to take a whizz. Yeah, totally had to hold it, the entire walk to class. My guy walks me to class everyday now that he isn’t in school and doesn’t have a job. It’s great, and at the same time, I wish he’d get a job he liked.

I’ve realized that I cannot for the life of me focus on some Korean woman, or guy as we have today, with really bad accents talk about Korean colonialism. Colonialism is a big thing in Political Science these days. It’s like countries have emotional baggage, and it’s all because of colonialism. Oh joy. I think this guy is mumbling about how the economy was affected... but really, he could be talking about the movie Zombie Strippers, and I’d have no idea. I made my guy go watch this documentary on Estonia and singing (yeah, it was just as mind-numbing as you ‘re envisioning), and he said since I made him see that I have to see Zombie Strippers with him. Frankly, as long as I don’t have to see “The Singing Revolution” that we just saw, I’ll be happy.

Lately there’s been a lot of pictures and whatnot about Jenna Jameson, and while she is a porn star... I just don’t get it. In her time, she was hot sure. But her time has past and she’s like the strawberry at the bottom of the bin. You know, the one that used to be so juicy, sweet, and delectable, but is now growing mold in odd places, and is sunken in on one side. That is my opinion of Jenna Jameson. Another one of those has beens, is Pamela Anderson. I remember when I was a kid and she was hot stuff... well mostly. But the fact that people are still whacking off to her? That’s kind of wrong. I mean, she’s old enough to be some of these guys moms. Plus, she’s like in those commercials about anti-bacterial soaps where they show the competitors, and then theirs and you see all these nasty things crawling around in the one circle, and like none or maybe one in the second circle. She is definitely in the first circle. She is just crawling with every form of STD known to man! When they cure cancer, they’ll still not know what to do with all the things that plague her.

I’m a witch. I really am. I make fun of everyone behind their backs. Unless I’m close to them, then I do it to their face. I saw a girl with parts of her head shaved, the rest died blonde, then pink, she was wearing a skirt, that looked like she took three of the ugliest most haggard skirts and layered them on top of each other. Then she was wearing white beat up storm trooper boots. She was a piece of work. When I saw her my guy and I were walking to my class, and I turned to him and said “Why would you choose a girl like me when you could have a catch like that?”. We both looked over at her and started cracking up laughing. Which is when I realized how heinous I am.

You’d think I’d be nice and sweet all the time, but no. I mean, I was fat as a kid. I was a chubby one. Plus, I had braces for six years, and headgear for like... three or four of those? I got teased in elementary school al the frigging time. It’s just so easy when you see the fat ugly kid with braces and unkept hair. I don’t know why I didn’t take care of my hair, but whatever. After elementary school, I moved, and I then I was a goth/punk /druggie kid. I just kind of went wherever I could get friends... which when you’re that fat ugly kid with poor social skills, is not a large selection. So yeah... I have every reason to be a nice, sweet girl because of all the humility I gathered as a kid. But, I guess not. I guess in losing those 80 pounds, learning what the crap to do with my hair, how to wear something that isn’t levi’s and a baggy shirt, and learning about the foreign world of make-up, with all that materialistic education, I also learned how to be a heinous witch. Stinky... Oh well, at least I’m hot! (Totally joking. I might have gotten cuter and all that, but I’m still the most insecure person with the lowest self esteem known to man).

I remember there was a guy in high school, who was such a jerk to me my junior year. He used to think up pranks to embarrass and humiliate me, ad well, he was really good at it. He always made me want to cry, but I never did luckily! Anyhow, the summer of my Junior year, you know, when I slimmed down and got hot? Yeah, that one. Well when I came back, he completely didn’t recognize me, and he was hitting on me and he asked if I wanted to go out sometime and was trying to get my number, and trying to get my name, and I turned to him (after leading him on a fair amount in front of his friends), and I said something to the effect of: I’m and there is not a chance on God’s green earth that I’d be dumb enough to go out with a guy like you, not even if we you were the last man on earth. Combine that with your small dick, and even smaller IQ, and the odds are definitely against you buddy. Then I walked off laughing at him and he felt humiliated in front of a bunch of people. I loved that moment. I think that’s the start of my witch stage. I’m calling it a stage because I’m hoping some day I can be the sweet grandma that’s filled with love and fresh baked cookies. (Notice how I say grandma, not mother? Yeah...).